The Number of Guys You Slept With Does Matter

indian girls dance with guysI just read an article on EliteDaily suggesting that the number of guys a girl slept with doesn’t matter, and that every girl should just embrace it and not be ashamed of it. I beg to differ. The number of a guy a woman slept with fundamentally changes her emotional availability and her attitude to love, sex and relationships with men.  As Roosh put it bluntly “… it takes a woman having ten cocks to realize that she doesn’t need one”. There is a lot of truth in this seemingly very crude remark.  If you are a guy who has been dating around and meeting different women in various situation, you can probably tell how many guys a woman slept with based on her general behavior, demeanor, and the way she carries herself.

Generally, a woman has a certain capacity for love as well as sexual and emotional attachment. It can only be given to so many guys so many times in her lifetime. A woman who has had a lot of sexual partners simply has less left to give emotionally and sexually to the new guys she meets. She is generally less excited about meeting guys, going out on dates and sex. She is more skeptical of romance in general, and doesn’t develop the same strong feelings than if she was “less” experienced. She becomes ok with becoming a female version of a player and having casual hook ups, not hoping and not even wanting to care about a guy and be cared for.  She is not excited about meeting guys and going on dates. Dating becomes a routine and a numbers game rather than something to look forward to.

I recently witnessed this “transformation” on one of my ex girlfriends. I met up with her after not seeing her for over eight years. Even though it has been a while I remembered both how guarded she was when we met and then how strong her feelings for me were when we started dating. At that time, I was her second serious boyfriend, and at least according to her, she only slept with three guys before she met me.

Today, things are very different. She has several profiles on different dating sites. She dates and sleeps with a number of guys and it’s not a big deal to her.  I am sure that it won’t take long before she gets tired and confused from dating too much. I don’t hold it against her, since what she does is the norm today, at least in large metropolitan areas. However, I can’t help but conclude that she settles for so much less emotionally and romantically than any woman should. The deeper problem, of course, is that she is probably unable to feel what she was capable of feeling back when I met her.

Whether that inability is a reversible problem or not I don’t know, but I would at least like to believe that taking a break from meeting guys, dating and sex would at least restore some of a woman’s emotional availability. After all, what fun is it in living if you don’t have these strong feelings.

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10 Comments

  1. Thanks for sharing your view. I suppose some people derive more pleasure and satisfaction from a casual set up than others. It really depends on who you are as a person, and what you are looking for at one point in life or the other. An innocent 19 year old girl looks for things that are very different from a woman who has been divorced once or twice, who has children or who recently went through a difficult break up. This is just one of the many factors that come into play, including your sex drive, your schedule and life circumstances, etc..

  2. We've had to lower our expectations because men have dictated it to be this way. They don't want to give to us emotionally, so we have endless crap dates and casual sex in order to receive fleeting attention and intimacy.

    I want to meet someone and have a long term relationship. The guys I meet (if I can get past the first date without them asking me back to their place for sex). I don't sleep with guys on the first date, not that this matters much. They seem to be emotionally unavailable/damaged by previous girlfriends, so are unable or unwilling to become attached.

    Twice when I have started to develop feelings for guys I have dated, I have been left not knowing where I stand, they haven't been very forthcoming until I have addressed it, then I don't see them again, strangely.

    I don't want a 'casual' set up. I don't know why women settle for this.

    It's so easy to find someone willing to engage in a 'casual' set up these days. With online dating/adult dating and porn being so easily available men aren't trying as hard as they should. Very much an easy come easy go attitude. Most guys are on multiple dating sites, some adult sites and social networking. So who knows what they get up to.

    It's damaging for both parties I think. And it's very demoralising. I am an attractive, intelligent, decent, moral, caring woman with a lot to give. But I feel like I have been used and abused in the dating world.

  3. Good point. It's so obviously true but I haven't thought about it that way. It's hard to avoid losing hope in finding that special someone and having a meaningful relationship if you keep meeting the wrong kind of people or keep getting disappointed in situations that you hoped would lead to something serious. And, of course, it works the same in any area of life. Still, this is not good reason enough to give up.

  4. I know from personal experience how true this is. It's hard to get excited about the next date or meeting the next guy after having a number of bad experiences, and disappointments. But then again – this applies to anything else just as much. Hope slowly vanishes in any area of life when your experiences suggest that you are not very likely to find what you are looking for.

  5. 😉 I am still not sure whether the desensitizing effects of having too many partners are reversible. I guess everyone's life experience will answer that question for them.

  6. haha. Yeah, you know, being the male feminist lesbian that I am, I had to ask.

  7. 😉 I knew it was coming. I think having too many partners has the same effect on men, except with men the consequences are likely to be more mixed. The confidence that comes with "scoring" goes along with being desensitized.

  8. What about men? What's your opinion about whether the same applied to guys?

  9. That's a very important question. I am pretty sure there is a combination of factors that contribute to the overall desensitization, but the primary reason is probably too many choices due to social media and online dating, and the media that promotes sexuality and promiscuity directly or in more subtle ways.

  10. It seems like our culture is desensitized nowadays, which is sad, because it is making intimacy less intimate. I would love to understand why: too much sex in the media, daddy/mommy issues, or are men rubbing off on women? Should men be held to the same standard?

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