Ten Mistakes Women Make in Bed That Push Men Away (Guest Posting)

passion sex coupleHaving been meeting and dating all kinds of women from their mid twenties through their late thirties in San Francisco and the surrounding area, I felt compelled to share a list of actual things that some of those women did that were a total turn off sexually form me. I hope that this list proves to be useful to this site’s female audience in making sure that they avoid making the same mistakes with the guys the meet:

1. Not going “all the way”.

What makes girls think that inviting a guy over, getting naked, fulling around, letting him eat her every which way possible but then not putting out is a good idea? I know that some women think that it makes that guy more likely to come back for more if he didn’t get everything he wanted during their first time in bed, but that’s really not what’s going to make him decide between wanting to see her again or not. If anything, going half way or more makes that woman appear as someone who is confused,  immature or who is getting off on playing games and teasing guys. Besides, would really like that to be the reason that the guy comes back to see you again, and not because he want to spend time with you and continue getting to know you?

2. Cumming without making sure that the guy cums as well.

Most girls are well aware that the guy that made them orgasm wants to cum just as much or more, and if he doesn’t, he will likely have “blue balls” and will experience other frustration. These women “take care” of the guy if they happened to come first, whether it’s having sex for longer or making him ejaculate with a hand-job / blow-job.

3. Laying in bed with me like a zombie/being frigid.

Being frigid is usually not a girl’s fault, but that doesn’t make it any less of a turn-off when the girl is just laying there as if she was asleep, when I am trying my best to pleasure her. If you don’t enjoy what I am doing to you, this makes it very little fun for me. Either tell me what I am doing wrong, or  – if sex is not something that you enjoy, you don’t have to sleep with me to just do me a favor. I know, I know – there are plenty of guys out there who don’t care about whether the girl enjoys sex, as long as they get to ejaculate. I am not one of them, and I know I am not alone.

4. Talking too much during or right before/after sex.

As annoying as it is when a girl (or anyone else for that matter) talks too much, when she talks too much in bed, it’s a total killer of any kind of sexual tension and mystery in bed. I actually told women in so many words on a few occasions before to shut up as their conversation was very distracting.

5. Not letting the guy touch, kiss and lick you wherever he wants.

If the guy finds you hot and desires your body, he probably wants to lick, kiss and eat every part of your body. A few women left me quite unsatisfied that way, making me feel like I left the table hungry, with an unfinished plate of my favorite pie on the table. That’s not the kind of feeling you want to experience again. If the reason you don’t give him full access to some of your body parts with his mouth and tongue is because you feel that you are not clean or pretty enough in that area, get over it. He wouldn’t be asking to go there if he didn’t want it, so it’s definitely pretty and clean enough for him.

6. Making light of his fantasies or fetishes.

I don’t want the girl to laugh or ask me if I am crazy when I am sucking on her toes. I want her to appreciate and enjoy the fact that I want to do that for her.

7. Being visibly grossed out by his sperm.

If you are going to make a face of disgust when I come on your face or chest, then don’t let me do it in the first place. It will save me and you plenty of time, and I will just move to the next girl, because facials is a non-negotiable turn-on unless we both know that it’s just a one-night stand and we both don’t expect anything more from each other. The reason I want to cum in you is not because I have no respect for you or because I feel the need to dominate or humiliate you. The only reason I want to cum in your face is the exact same reason I want to have any other kind of sex with you – I find your face is as sexually desirable and arousing as other more “conventional” parts of your body.

8. Having bad body or vaginal odor.

A certain % of women have an unbearable body or vagina odor. Many of them are very attractive physically and in other respects, but being stinky down there is pretty much a deal breaker.

9. Insisting on light to be turned off.

Sometimes, I am not all that attracted to the woman I am in bed with, and not seeing her body is actually a good idea. However, more often than not I am in bed with you because I think you are hot, and I want to see your body. I don’t expect you to lay under the bright sunlight, but forcing me to turn all the lights off so that I can’t see any of you takes a lot away from the whole experience.

10. Acting like you are doing me a favor.

I want you to want to have sex with me because you want it and you want me. I don’t want you to act like you are doing me a favor or rewarding me with putting out for my good behavior.

By J.T., 37, Northern California

You may also like

About practicalh

Practical, effective dating tips and relationship advice.
Bookmark the permalink.


  1. Hello, Elle. It sounds like you found that article at least in part useful. No one can be perfect, and those were mostly bullets points to think about. I can’t imagine how a guy who go and agree on which fetishes of his the girl would go along with, as that would take all the “magic” out of it, but maybe there is a way to do that, that I couldn’t think of.

    With regard to facials, I am not a girl, but I am sure that it very much depends on how much you like the guy.

    It would be nice to have a comment box after every date or after sexual encounter in the ideal world, but that’s not how people of course operate. Even if you were to ask someone for their honest feedback, instinctively they will try not to hurt your feelings.

  2. Mr. PH,

     I can tell you that I don’t get offended that easily and that’s perhaps the reason why we can discuss this topic without being rude or inappropriate, or maybe I’m just genuinely nice 🙂 I am not the type to go on and write angry comments on someone’s opinion. After all it is your opinion and I either agree or disagree with it. I read the article and I can tell you that yes, I have been guilty of a few of the items listed. I can’t say I talk a lot, during/ before or after. I mean why would you talk? You are too busy in foreplay. A few comments have slipped by but that’s part of being nervous and discovering things at the moment such as “what an interesting mole you have down here, It’s kinda cute.” Anyhow, # 5 and # 6 go hand in hand, I can definitely say I have been guilty of both. A woman is always going to be self-conscious no matter what. I don’t prevent someone from going down but it is a bit awkward for the first 20 seconds, if he knows what he is doing I can’t think coherently anymore and leave my self-consciousness out the door. Fetishes are tricky. Especially the first time you are with a guy. I mean if he would at least tell you he is into toe sucking and eyeball licking beforehand, you can at least make sure you wash your feet and I don’t know, maybe clear all the gunk from your eyes haha. Facials: I can’t say I’m grossed out by it. I haven’t had many and I’m not sure if I made a face. I think I was more concerned about it landing inside my eye and stinging.

    I think after every encounter there should be a comments box. It is hard to take criticism but if it’s given in a respectful manner I can deal with it and work on making some changes. At least I personally would want to know what worked and what didn’t; I doubt everyone agrees with me. You may be thinking that you’re the best blow job giver but in reality you are just average or even mediocre, and vice-versa. I wouldn’t have a problem having discussion post coitus, it can be quite productive.

  3. @ James Miller – totally agreed. The only excuse for "last minute resistance" is when the girl is extremely shy or inexperienced. If that's not the case, she should either stop the guy way earlier or not ruin the experience for both of them.

  4. Especially points 1 and 5 are annoying as hell. You are dealing with last minute resistance or you are dealing with a woman who likes to play games with you. If you are dealing with a woman who is playing games then just leave. You are worth more than playing on her terms.

  5. Thanks for your thoughts. I guess this also depends very much on what the girl says in bed. Like with other things, it's a quality v quantity issue.

  6. Love the article. Brutally honest and to the point. I can identify with about 7 turn-offs out of the 10. I am probably not as sensitive as other guys so talking in bed right before or during sex doesn't bother me as much if the chick is otherwise nice and hot.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.