What Turns Men Off in Bed

(Last Updated On: 06/14/2015)

turn-offs in bed to menThere are different reasons why men lose interest in a woman shortly after having sex with her, the most common of which has nothing to do with a woman herself – it’s a man’s natural drive toward novelty and variety when it comes to dating and sexual partners.

But if it’s the long-term, exclusive relationship that the guy is after, a woman’s value as a great sex partner is crucial to maintaining the guy’s interest and having a fulfilling relationship. While there is no universal way to behave in bed, and we all have our own tastes and preferences, there are certain behaviors that uniformly turn men off sexually and make them lose interest in a woman as a partner very quickly. In fact, many guys are not able to “forgive” any of the three mistakes described below and move on as soon as a woman makes one or more of the following mistakes that are major sexual turn-offs to men:

Turn-Off #1: Talking too much immediately prior to and during sex

Conversation and communication between lovers is a wonderful thing. However, there are times when talking distracts and otherwise hurts and chills romance, passion, and the romantic tension between the partners. Intensity and sexual charge require a certain kind of silence, which can be easily ruined and disturbed by irrelevant comments or even an innocent joke that will ruin the moment around the time when it was supposed to culminate into an increasing for each other or a sexual climax. Do not underestimate the power of not talking during and right before sex, unless of course you are saying something provocative that you know will arouse your partner and will make him even hungrier for you.

Turn-Off #2: Not letting the guy go down on you (from the front or from the rear)

While some guys are not thrilled with the idea of kissing and licking a woman’s intimate areas and even some women don’t enjoy this, for most guys it’s an essential part of a satisfying sexual experience. The more attracted the guy is to you and your body the more eager he will be to “taste” you every way possible, and the longer he will enjoy doing that.  Denying a guy from kissing you and licking you anywhere and everywhere he wants will leave him unsatisfied and will turn the whole experience into a substandard sexual encounter. So if the guy wants to go down on you, let him, invite him and encourage him in your own seductive ways, and learn how to enjoy that as well. Treat him by sitting on his face or flaunt your beauty by bending over or standing on all fours in front of him every now and then.

Turn-Off #3: Being embarrassed about moaning

Few things are more enjoyable and satisfying to a guy than knowing and hearing that a woman truly enjoys what he does to her in bed. Guys love when a woman is loud during sex. Surely, you shouldn’t fake or exaggerate the physical sensations that you experience during the sexual intercourse, but you should certainly not suppress what you feel either. Being as loud as you want to be, and not more or less, will make sex much more exciting for both of you.

Turn Off #4: Insisting on turning the lights off

You may be concerned about the guy seeing your naked body and getting turned off, but guess what – he probably knows what you look like without clothes if he saw you with your clothes on, so there will likely be very few surprising for him. If you are too shy to reveal your body to the guy you are about to sleep with, you better address that issue and liberate yourself from that insecurity, as depriving the guy from the opportunity to fully appreciate and admire your body and depriving yourself from the opportunity to enjoy seeing how the guy gets excited about seeing you naked is going to hurt your sexual experience with the guy and take away something very important and exciting from it.

Turn-Off #5: Getting up immediately after you are done.

I remember my friend telling me about spending his first night with this attractive, interesting girl, who gave him a handjob and immediately after he was finished, she jumped up and rushed to clean herself instead of just holding each other and laying in bed. He was upset but he didn’t quite know how to explain to the girl that her behavior trivialized the experience that was supposed to be special to both of them, and she turned it into a very “mechanical” action, lacking any emotion. You may think that guys don’t like to cuddle after sex, but you would be surprised to find out that many of us do, especially with the women we care about.

Turn-Off #6: Making your guy feel guilty about ejaculating too soon.

You may be frustrated when the guy is finished before you managed to rich a climax (it takes longer for the vast majority of women to come than it does for most men). It is crucial that you don’t make a guy feel guilty about this and that you know how to handle it properly. First, understand and remember that if the guy comes too quickly it’s a direct compliment to you that you should be flattered by. If a guy comes too quickly, it is most likely because he is extremely turned on by you and find you so sexually attractive and desirable that he can’t help it but ejaculate very soon after he sees you, touches you and/or inside of you. If you decide to address this, make sure you put a positive spin on it. “I really enjoy being with you and having sex with you… I wonder how it would feel if we did it for a little longer” – this should do it. First, you start by saying how much you like being with him; second, you don’t demand but merely suggest to have sex for a longer period of time; lastly, you don’t make him solely responsible for this, but you suggest cooperation by saying “we.”

Turn-Off #7: Making the guy feel embarrassed of his fantasies and “fetishes”. 

Being a feminine, passionate woman necessarily means submitting to, and being flattered by a man’s admiration of your body and understanding that his desire to fulfill certain fantasies while being intimate with you expresses his great sexual drive towards you. You cannot make a guy happy in bed if you dismiss his fantasies rather than fulfilling them, sharing yours and enjoying it the way you should be. It’s common for a guy to be aroused by the idea of kissing and otherwise admiring a woman’s feet, especially if she has really nice and sexy feet. Some call it a “foot fetish” but it can hardly be considered a fetish, considering how common it is. If having a guy kissing your feet makes you uncomfortable, you should seriously and thoroughly explore why, do your best to overcome and eliminate whatever mental obstacles you have toward enjoying having your body worshiped in its entirety, by a man, and this will open the door toward enjoying your sex life on a whole different level.

It is just as important to know what turn men on as it is knowing what turns men off in bed. The above tips should help you avoid the most common turn-offs in bed with men that many women are not aware of, and you are much more likely to come across as a much better romantic and sexual partner to any guy.

Turn-Off #8: Giggling   

Giggling during foreplay or during sex is very likely to downgrade the intensity of your sexual experience. So, don’t. Wait to laugh and joke until after you you are done.

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29 Comments

  1. Those of you who are annoyed at women who don’t want anal sex please remember that our butt holes are the same width as yours. Try shoving more than the width of a finger up there..something the size of your penis and see how much fun it is!!

  2. Thanks for sharing your thoughts. Natural body scent can be a major attraction factor. Of course it depends on the type of scent and your subjective experience of it.

  3. Very good points, except I have to say that we should respect when a woman is afraid or doesn’t like to do anal. Number 4 is a huge deal breaker. As a girl, if you don’t like the idea of having cum in your mouth, you shouldn’t even be in a situation where it gets there.

  4. @ Ronnie – most of us guys, really want anal, but I kind of learned to respect it if a woman doesn't do anal. Apparently, for many it really hurts.

  5. @ Ronnie. Love the analogy. Keeping the lights off is only good if the girl is unattractive and the only way for you to enjoy sex with her is to not see her and imagine that you are with someone else. Otherwise, you surely will want to see her body and face. It doesn't mean all the lights have to be 100% on, but a few dimmed lights or candles certainly help.

  6. Yes, also leave the lights on. Being with a girl with the lights off is a bit like eating something tasty, but only after your taste buds have been removed, or being allowed to go to an art gallery, but only bind folded.

  7. Things that are a turn off in bed for a man

    1) I don,t like to kiss, certainly not with tongues.

    2) No way am I doing anal.

    3 ) No, I don't like giving head, or no I will not try deep throat, and you are not allowed to trust.

    4 ) Treating a ma's cum like poison and rushing to the bathroom to spit I out and hen spending the next five minutes gargling and spitting.

  8. Loose weight

  9. Thanks for writing this. You’re a good guy, Arkady. I can totally relate to #4 and #8. I tell my girlfriend everytime that I don’t want her to turn the lights off so I can admire her body but my sweet words are literally left in the dark as she insists on turning the lights off when I always ask her not to. Honestly, it kind of hurts my feelings. Secondly, one of my favorite parts of a woman is her butt. My girlfriend makes me feel like it’s a crime to love and worship her butt. Honestly, she turns sex into a chore. I wish she would let me love her freely instead of being the sex police.

  10. practicalhappiness.c

    @Darth Vader.
    Thanks, Michael. A woman needs to realize that a guy who is not fully sexually happy and/or open with her will not be a happy partner. Of course, there is another side to it – she might want you to respect her needs, preferences and boundaries, so it will be up to you to determine whether how she likes things to be in bed is a deal breaker or not.

  11. It's NOT that complicated! Some of the most intense and satisfying sexual experiences I have had were spontaneous, with minimal physical foreplay, and no HAZMAT precautions. Of course, I knew the person(s) for a significant period of time which added to the intensity. Also, a man's natural scent is part of the attraction (within reason) and I prefer that to a perfumed man. Early ejaculation the first time is indeed a compliment and I let him know it. Now, if it continues to be a problem, that's a different issue.

  12. @Kaliq Fontaine as per your comment, I reread the original article. The original fellow did say “immediately jumped up” (of course, we don’t know what his definition of that is; it could mean 5 seconds or 5-10 minutes later depending on his point of view), but my response about the 15 minutes and the medical issues was because the original poster did not state how long he wanted the woman to remain in bed and no posters after that gave any parameters either. So, I posted about the 15 minutes in case men (quite naturally) would have no idea about the medical risks and would expect half an hour of snuggling or going to sleep together without getting up till the morning or several hours later. I felt men would appreciate the “insider information” as to why something is done, so then they could adjust their expectations and not have their feelings hurt. You seemed to take something out of my post that I did not intend because you seemed very upset (lots of caps and all that), but please note that I never said a woman couldn’t stay for some cuddling, just not extended cuddling. Please don’t read into my posts, as I’m writing with a kind heart, no agenda, and simply a wish to inform, like Arkady does with his excellent videos and articles. Thank you.

  13. @Kaliq Fontaine I am thrilled to hear of your cleanliness habits, but believe whole-heartedly that you are the exception, not the norm. All you have to do is read the incredibly scary statistics of the number of normal average men that don’t wash their hands after going to the bathroom 😮 That means their keyboard and phone at work as well as your hand after they shake it have stuff from their personal area on it. I’m not saying this as a criticism, just to point out that your cleanliness standards are not as widespread as you might think.

    Oh, and please don’t make disparaging hints that a man will clean up before sex “if you’re worth it”. A loving husband, quite eager for sex will sometimes do a thorough cleaning beforehand, but not in the middle of the night when awakening with an urge or in the short time you have for intimacy when the children are napping. And some men would regard a rule that they must wash beforehand as a rejection of their natural male scent or as an unromantic gesture that ruins the spontaneity or “mood”, just like the fellow who wants immediate extended cuddling felt that the mood was ruined by the woman cleaning up.

  14. @Concerned Guy Thank you so much for your post! I really liked your way of putting the matter: "There are many different types of “after sex” situations….and each has it’s very own acceptable reactions. If you love the person it’s likely something you don’t think about, you already have a routine, but if you are just getting to the sex in a relationship, you’re building these things as you go." And your point of "It’s entirely a personal thing and should be left as such and if someone has an issue with you getting clean after sex, then there’s issues there that need to be dealt with professionally and you have a decision to make." was a great way to sum the situation up. Hope you don't mind my quoting your post, but you said it much better than I could 🙂

  15. Concerned Guy

    Wow this is a really good article, and informed. I'd have to agree with 85% of this. There are a couple things that I might not agree with but I can see where the author would think the way they have. Most men, and I mean MOST men, want to see the woman naked, there are so many sensations that you miss if you have sex with the lights out. There's the sound a woman makes, (which to me is the absolute most sensual way you can communicate with me during sex!), secondly is the visual confirmation that "Yeah she's loving this" a man needs in order to fulfill the "primal side" of our ego, and that's the key. I'm not encouraging faking anything! That's gonna be the single biggest killer of what is likely a natural hunger for your body and senses. If I figure out that you're faking orgasm or anything for that matter, it's going to make me second guess everything which, in the end, is a relationship destroyer. Sex is probably the single biggest factor in a relationship for a man. If your man desires you, he will be into you, bottom line. After sex, now that's a different story, I don't think any of you are thinking of this the way you should. There are many different types of "after sex" situations. The "shit you have to get out of here before he/she comes home" after sex, there's the "I love you and don't care about anything going to sleep" after sex, there's the "Oh My God, what did I just do" after sex, and each has it's very own acceptable reactions. If you love the person it's likely something you don't think about, you already have a routine, but if you are just getting to the sex in a relationship, you're building these things as you go. I don't want to cause anyone I'm having sex with discomfort so if you feel the need to get clean after sex, beat me to the bathroom and you get to go first. It's entirely a personal thing and should be left as such and if someone has an issue with you getting clean after sex, then there's issues there that need to be dealt with professionally and you have a decision to make. God I could go on about relationships and men and women for days, but each of us know what makes a relationship work, its just a decision we each make….. is this person worthy of what I have to offer. And that's a whole nuther article!

  16. @Not Signed @Puerto Rico

    Thats very unfortunate that the guy acted the way they did. Not very classy or considerate of him at all.

    With that all said I agree with the turn offs. I am a guy myself, 19 years old.
    I find my girlfriend and I have been discussing what we like and dont like. How to get each other off and so forth.

    My thoughts on some of the turn offs:
    1. I personally dont really like talking during sex, i find it kinda awkward, although i hear of guys that talk alot. It depends on the individual.

    3. 1000 percent agree, such a huge turn on to hear a girl moan. + ego boast!

    5. My opinion has been said, the clean-up can wait a little bit. Im lucky in that regard, (never really thought of it) my girlfriend will stay next to me and we will joke around about the mess that was made. Then she will do her thing, while i do whatever i gotta do (change clothes,bedsheets, wipe up spots, whatever).

  17. @Not Signed…I can relate with you 100%. This guy chased me for 1 whole year. I finally gave in and started to date him. He promised 200% commitment and wanted to have an exclusive relationship. One thing let to another, we became intimate and 2 days later I was dumped over a text message. I try to call and even email to see what went wrong…Well…His responsed was “my switch is now off”…How pathetic and vain is that? I have not heard from him for two weeks and I am guessing is all over and I am ready to move on. This article clearly shows the male point of view, but clearly forgets the right steps in treating a woman with respect, honor and dignity.

  18. Re: Making “unforgivable” mistakes which make a man lose interest very quickly and move on as soon as a woman makes one or more of…

    This article gives permission for men to dismiss a woman immediately after she shares her body with him, rather than have a talk about what he likes/doesn’t like-which is an essential part of the getting to know each other process, isn’t it? Not allowing the chance for improvement or perfecting technique(s) in combination with a vague break-up conversation or never hearing from him again at all is probably the biggest reason women are left confused about why things made such a sudden 180. My last sexual encounter was a year and a half ago with a guy who broke things off with me 2 days after the last time we had sex together. I let him inside my home, my bed and my body…one week later after the break up I saw him and he looking right past me and did not acknowledge my presence. I now see him once a week regularly and his behavior has not changed. This leaves me humiliated and knowing that the best years of my life-which is right now-are being wasted on thinking that all this dating and sex crap is not worth it and perhaps I am better off alone forever.

    Please don’t give me the pathetic He Just Wasn’t That Into Me…I was worth 3 months of his pursuing me until I committed one or more of the above fatal errors. I do apologize for not knowing which or how many, as I was busy having the most intense orgasm of my life. Approximately 48 hours later this would become an experience I never want to repeat again.

  19. Kaliq Fontaine

    One other thing.. Someone made a comment about men's cleanliness. Don't know what to tell you on that one, I don't do ANYTHING with a woman unless I and SHE are clean. I personally want to smell my freshest and be clean so that we can both make what we are about to do an EVENT TO REMEMBER. Funky armpits, funky private parts are a HUGE turnoff. I had a partner once that, when offered, would not shower with me or by herself. Gross. Mind you I asked her for a reason.. It had been a fairly warm evening and we had done a lot. I had showered before we went out. She met me straight after work. Catch my drift? Needless to say we will NEVER have sex again; The day had taken its toll on her lol! Consider the following – Would you rather break some of the initial intimacy to freshen up with your lover or ensure their cleanliness thus giving them your best YOU up front (or vice versa) or deal with bad hygiene? If your man is potentially not up to par with your cleaning habits, please explain to me again why you are sleeping with them?? Trust me ladies, we badly WANT to get into your panties; we will not scoff at a quick shower and we can take a hint IF YOUR WORTH THE TIME. Think about that for a sec.. Raise your standards of intimacy, compassion, and respect for your lover.. If they won't comply, then they are not worth your sex, its as simple as that.. As a man I have certain standards in bed and I will not bend. I am not the norm, but I should be. You/I WILL be clean. You/I will SMELL clean. You/I WILL be attentive to my/your needs. You/I will give our VERY BEST in bed together. Go hard or go home. As intimate as sex is we sure don't act like it sometimes. Raise your bar ladies and gentlemen… 😉

  20. Kaliq Fontaine

    A MAN'S POINT OF VIEW… First I must say that this article is DEAD ON. To the women complaining about urinary track infections and what not, I sympathize with your situation, but watch this – If you have 15 minutes to get clean fine, but at least solid 3-5 had better be spent caressing my back or lightly chatting with me. PERIOD. Eating you out is HARD WORK. Pumping in and out of you is HARD WORK. Just as giving head is hard work. Just as being on the receiving end of sex is, or riding, or pumping your hand on us for 10-20 minutes straight. Show us that you enjoyed it SOMEWHAT by just staying close to us for a sec.. The issue is when you IMMEDIATELY jump up and head to the sink or shower or toilet. Listen to what the writer is saying. It's all about compromise. How would you feel if immediately after sex or even worse eating you out, we jumped up and ran to the bathroom? It would make you feel like wow am I dirty or something? Did I taste bad? Did I smell funny? Catch my drift? 5 minutes ladies.. FIVE. Even if f you've got cum dripping or oozing in uncomfortable places and you feel sticky and gooey, play it off by doing something like mounting us and or giving us a slow french kiss while simultaneously carressing our chest or running your fingers through our hair (We love this by the way) and then say something sexy and simple like did you like that babe, or damn that was sexy as hell.. Then say real sexy like, that you'll be right back! PERFECTO! Next give us a soft peck on the lips and then SLOWLY make your way to the bathroom! This will work and can be done FAST, probably in LESS than 5 minutes!! Trust me ladies when I tell you that sprinting to the bathroom is a definite no-no. I hope that helps or creates more clarity about the situation… 😉

  21. Brittany Averyt

    for women, pregnancy often creates an increased need for physical affection — a craving that may be greater than the desire for sexual satisfaction. Pregnancy is a wonderful time to explore aspects of making love such as cuddling, holding each other and discovering new positions and new ways of pleasuring. Many women experience added sensitivity during pregnancy and find orgasms lasting longer than when they're not pregnant. But though intercourse can be very welcome, just talking and holding hands can also be very intimate.

  22. Sorry, Andy, but ANA is right. There are serious medical issues involved for women. For instance, from the time the man ejaculates, the woman has about 15 minutes to go urinate. If she waits longer than that, her chance of getting a urinary tract infection skyrockets. Another example is that women would have much fewer complications from intercourse if men always thoroughly washed with soap and cleaned their genitals prior to any intercourse, but how romantic is that? Also regarding liking her man's cum, it really shouldn't be necessary to get rashes just to prove that. Smiles and compliments should be able to take care of it. You see, men just can't comprehend the bodily challenges women face because men are constructed so differently. Try thinking of it in these terms: when a man needs to urinate while camping, it's a no-brainer. He doesn't even need to wash his hands probably and the whole thing is easy to accomplish. For a woman, the same situation involves complicated, awkward physical positions and an absolute need to wash her hands and the risk of her clothing getting soiled. Another example is disease transmission. Because the man's opening is very small and he is the "depositor", his risk of contracting disease is significantly less than the woman, whose genitalia actually are open to her whole insides (the fallopian tubes are NOT capped off) and she is the "receiver". I hope this gives a better understanding why cleanliness after sex is not a rejection of the man, but a valid medical concern for the woman. It is SO SAD that nature does this need reversal to us: women really need cuddling to get them in the mood; men not so much; than afterwards, men need cuddling to "cement their afterglow" and women need to clean up. Sort of a cruel irony, huh.

  23. Swallow or use a condom…then you won't have to 'clean up'. I'm no expert but if you love your man then you should love his cum – if you don't like the taste tell him to drink pineapple juice (which makes it sweet), swallow while deepthroating or let him cum on your boobs (don't rush to clean it up though since it washes off pretty easily). Point is, relationships should have a balance of romance and sexual acts, so I don't understand how or why a woman wouldn't want to cuddle with her partner after sex because it shows that you love him and that you enjoyed it.

    P.S Correct me if I'm wrong but I think that 'rejecting' your mans cum would be the biggest turn off

  24. I don't think that number 5 is being completely fair to the girl in this situation. First of all when it comes to vaginal penitration, whether the guy is wearing a condom or not, things like dust, sweat and bactiria are being pushed into a girls vagina during vaginal sex. And it is common knowledge amoung most girls that after vaginal sex one of the first things you should do is use the bathroom and clean up yourself up a bit in order to servely reduce the chance of all that dust, sweat, cum and bactiria causing a blatter infection, which would land a girl in a very annoying month of antibiotics, no sex and feeling pain while peeing. And in the case of hand/blow jobs come on. Cum is sticky and gross and most girls despise letting it dry on there skin where, if let for to long, could in fact form a rash. I have known many girls who have had to deal with these annoying issues because after sex they just cuddle and fall asleep, leaving them with the possiablitly of a very uncomfortable future.

    Let girls clean themselves up after sex.

    Other then that This is a very well informed artical and I am able to agree with the majority of it.

  25. practicalhappiness.com

    The short term solution would be kindly asking your boyfriend to have the lights out or at least dimmed. The long term and better solution is to start working on losing weight and having the body you are proud of and proud to show.

  26. I feel uncomtable being naked and having sex with the lights on with my boyfriend because am chubby , What should I do ?

  27. i guess a women just needs to b herself infront of a men because if she fakes who she really is he will not love who she is his just loveing a fake mask you put on infront of him.

    what is also good is to try to do less things that upsets your partner or the guy you seeing

  28. practicalhappiness.c

    Great question. I believe a man notices a woman first because of her looks but it's her personality that makes him stick around. The same seems to apply to women.

  29. kiconco melissa

    tht was good to know but what makes a guy love a chick,is it the sex or personality.

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