Why Men Lose Attraction After Sleeping with You

why men lose attraction to a woman after sleeping with her onceOne of the more frustrating and puzzling experiences that many women have throughout their dating life over and over is having a guy lose attraction for them after sleeping with them once or a couple of times. Even when confronted by women, few guys have the courage or the ability to explain this behavior. Even fewer men take the time to actually analyze why they so often lose attraction and the desire to see a woman after sleeping with her once or twice.  Below are five of the most common reasons for this behavior that are as important for women to be aware of as they are for men to reflect on, so that they can better understand themselves:

1. Bad Sex  

One of the most common reasons that a man would not want to see or touch a woman again after sleeping with her once is the bad quality of that one sexual experience he had with her already. Just like you wouldn’t want to go again to a restaurant that you didn’t like when you went before, if they guy was disappointed with his experience sleeping with you or turned off by one or more of the typical mistakes you made in bed with him, he has no reason to come back.¬†He might follow up with a call or text after sleeping with a you out of some kind of sense of moral obligation or because he has greater conscience than your typical guy, but you will know very quickly based on the difference in his attitude that he didn’t really have a great and he isn’t looking forward to seeing you again.

2. Natural Duration of Most Relationships 

Many “relationships” are only meant to last ¬†a short period of time. Generally, a relationship that has a long term potential has a number of stages ¬†– (1) the initial attraction and excitement, (2) the honey moon period accompanied by a peak sexual attraction, (3) the honey moon period is over but other things keep the couple together such as connection and chemistry (4) comfort and stability with some further reduction in sexual desire, (5) a possible conflict/crisis and a (6) resolution in a form of a break-up or getting over the conflict and continue to be together.

However, not every relationship has a long term potential. In fact, most are not supposed to last years or even months. It’s not a bad thing or a good thing. It just is. These shorter relationship are characterized by a very short second stage (honey moon period) which can last for a few weeks but can also be as short as just a few days, and they end up at stage (3) – where the honey moon period is over, but there isn’t strong enough mutual chemistry or connection between the two people that would make them want to stick together. This is the stage when men lose interest. In this kind of situation, the guy doesn’t lose attraction toward a woman on purpose. More often than not, a guy has no way of even knowing before he sleeps with a girl how he is going to feel about her after his initial sexual curiosity is satisfied.

One of the my all time favorite movies “Bitter Moon” provide a very good example of this. In that movie, the guy who is sexually obsessed with the girl he met spends a number of days with her having sex on and off as much as he possibly could without even leaving the house, until at one point his desire start subsiding, and not along after he lost almost all attraction for her and started getting really annoyed with her.

3. Sex for Attention and Validation

Women dress up in provocative clothes and go out dancing to get attention and validation from men and other women. Guys can’t really do it, because women don’t give guys nearly as much attention just because of their physical appearance. So, many guys use sex as a validation tool for their attractiveness and flirting skills. If that’s the purpose behind meeting women and sleeping with them, that purpose is fulfilled after just one sexual encounter with any given woman. That guy could be in a relationship or even married. He might very well be in love with his wife or a girlfriend, and he is emotionally unavailable to care enough about another woman in order to sleep with her more than once or twice. To satisfy his attention and validation needs, he needs regular supply of new women in his life and he needs to go through the process of getting them attracted and interested enough over and over as long as that need of his exists.

4. Evolutionary Tendencies and Large Number of Options   

Under the risk of sounding cliche, I will remind you of the popular idea that men are genetically driven to attempt to spread their seed as widely as possible and impregnate as many women as possible. The desire for novelty and variety when it comes to sex is at the core of male sexuality. As primitive as the idea of harem might sound to you Рthe concept of sleeping with different women at the same time has been around for thousands of years and very much appealed, to say the least, to the most powerful rules of many ancient empires. The James Bond movies give you an insight into the kind of dating lifestyle that many guys wished they had.

Of course, as some of the celebrities who got caught cheating say – men tend to be as faithful as their options are. A man who has many options with women because he is attractive, wealthy, interesting, funny, charismatic or all of the above is going to be tempted to have a promiscuous James Bond kind of lifestyle, where he would be ¬†pursuing a large number of women at the same time, because he can and he is good at it. As a result, he simply wouldn’t be able to give too much time or attention to any one of the many women he is dealing with. In a way this reason is related to reason #3 above. It’s hard for that kind of a player-guy to know where the line is between his sexual desire and drive for novelty and variety, and his need for attention and validation.

5. Just Tryin’ to Score¬†

This is probably one of the less common reasons that guys lose attraction or interest in a girl they had sex with, but it certainly has its place especially among guys who are attractive, confidence and know how to seduce and get women into bed quickly. These guys often compare themselves to their peers by keeping a score of how many different women they sleep with. This is a competition – whoever gets laid the most is the coolest guy in their mind. Or, the opposite might be the case too – the guy has been stuck in a “drought” for a long time due to being unpopular, or being a virgin his early 20’s,¬†or he was involved in a bad marriage for way longer than he should have, and now he is trying to make up for all that lost time and all the opportunities that he thinks he missed. That guy will be particularly inclined to hump, dump and move to the next target. He has been starving for so long, so buffet is what he wants now.

It’s worth noting that reason #2 above is the one that’s not mentioned nearly as often as it should be. Somehow, we have accepted it as a given that a good relationship means a long or a lifetime relationship, but that’s just not how our nature and behavior is. Just like you might have a great contract position in your field of work that is only meant to last a few weeks or months, some great romantic relationships are only meant to last a few days, one night, or even just one hour. I can’t resist but use a dining analogy again. You might go to a restaurant and enjoy dining there once, but you will not feel the desire to go back there again because either it wasn’t that great, or because there are so many other great dining options in your area or for some other reason.

Visited 1 times, 1 visit(s) today

You may also like

About practicalh

Practical, effective dating tips and relationship advice.
Bookmark the permalink.
Notify of

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

Oldest Most Voted
Inline Feedbacks
View all comments
10/27/2022 1:07 pm

you have to man(or woman) up.There are some guys who just want sex and you have to deal with that occasionally when dating until you get to Mister Right. It sucks and you would like to keep your body count down but sometimes nt possible. Weird thing is the 3 best sex sessions i ever had were followed by the guy leaving and ghostiing me.

10/25/2022 3:21 am

i had a crush on my co ed softball teammate all summer. We went out drinking often and clicked i thought. Finally i got him to go back to my place and had a night of what(I thought ) was good sex. The next morning he would not even accept oral sex, just got dressed and out of her. n softball he is friendly but an observer would never know we were intimate one. Very distressing and I quit team after a couple more games

05/30/2022 5:54 am

I very much second the part of “just wanting to score”. I’ve known this guy for almost four years and I can’t say we were friends or lovers, we were just two people who knew each other and shared really good conversations when we were together. They were so good that i could sense a love connection between us. he was older than me, 27 years old and i was 21. At the time i was involved with someone but the relationship was taking a downfall. Not only did i have relationship problems but also domestic ones. i was in a bad space that i ended up resorting to alcohol to ease the stress. One night he called me, i was drinking but i wasn’t drunk though i was starting to get a bit drowsy. he asked how was i feeling and i told him that i am not okay(he knew the domestic problem). he asked me to come over to his house just to spend the night over watching movies, so i can relax and forget all my problems. i agreed and he came over to fetch me with his car. He drove me to some shady rental rooms and told me we cant go to his home since his mother doesnt want girls over. i had no choice but to agree to go in since it was at night and i had no transport. We went in and that was all he wanted. we didn’t watch any movie it was straight to the deed. i trusted him so i allowed it since i did have feels for him. we made love and in the morning he drove me back home. after that night he never called and he would ignore me each time he sees me. when i tried to call him, he wouldnt be interested in talking to me or he’d just ignore the call. At first i thought that maybe he is still sorting out some situationships in his life but as time went by i realised that i was played. it was nobody’s fault though. the guy just wanted to score and i couldnt realise it until it was too late. so i believe that men can toss aside a woman’s feelings and dignity just for a one night stand.

10/25/2022 3:23 am
Reply to  yanda

same here. Guys can be hot then cold. Very depressing and wish i never met him

04/15/2016 7:28 am

ok this make sense .. !!!I know a guy for like 8 months .. we weren’t
dating .. well we met once when i was in bad shape as i broke up with my
bf.. and we had date once but i wasn’t ready as it wasn’t too long
since i broke up with my bf.. and there were a time when we went for
drink ..which ended up of having sex all night ,and the following day
.. he came again to my house after 2 days and again the same we had sex
all night and the following day .. but after two days . i received a
text from unknown number telling me that her bf cheated on her with me and she
was cursing blah blah .. then i received text from him telling me that
he cheated on her with me and he is sorry but we have to end it .. tbh
honest i didn’t buy it .. and i know there were some thing fishy about
it .. but i stopped contacting him surly if this is his wish .. but now that i read this article i realized that he is perfectly fit the second category.. ugh .. ! he couldve been more franck about it .. such an ass .. well cute one