Why The Timing Of Sex Alone Is Not An Accurate Relationship Predictor

having sex too soonIt’s a common belief that if you sleep with someone too soon, i.e. on a first date, your interaction is bound not to lead to anything serious. After all, the guy who slept with a woman too soon probably doesn’t respect her because of that. And, the woman who slept with the guy right away probably never considered him to be a serious love prospect in a first place, or she would hold off on having sex till later. However, many of us know people who had sex with someone very shortly after they met, and yet they ended up falling in love with each other and being a in a long term relationship, if not marrying each other. Yes -it doesn’t happen too often, but it’s not unheard of for one-night stands to turn into love.

So, why is it that some couple, who have sex right away, end up dating each other and developing strong feelings for each other, while for many or even most others this doesn’t lead to any more than casual sex.

To answer this question, we must recognize that the timing of having sex is only part of the equation. The other, arguably more significant factor is the quality of that first sexual encounter as well as other important factors, such as the quality and the intensity of a mental and intellectual connection and the respective dating goals of the people involved. For instance, if a couple ends up having sex on a first date not because they are intoxicated, and not because one of them is on a rebound or is otherwise emotionally unstable, but because the attraction and chemistry between them is so strong, this can make a big difference. And, if their first intimate experience with each other is far superior to what they expect from casual sex, then they will very likely want to see each other against soon, continue getting to know each other, and continue having that far better sex than they could find elsewhere. And if they like what they learn about each other and they are both looking for a relationship, then anything is possible for them.

Ironically, one rarely mentioned benefit of not having sex right away and waiting to get to know each other, is that once you become closer and develop feelings for each other, however new those feelings might be, that first sexual experience, all other things beinb equal, will be much more intense and satisfying, making you more likely to want to continue seeing each other, and getting to know each other.

However, if you wait to have sex for a while, and you “savor” that anticipation to only be bitterly disappointed in each other in bed, then how long you waited to have sex will make no difference whatsoever, and your interaction will fade just as quickly as if you had the same type of mediocre sex on your an hour after you met.

The above brings us to a simple conclusion: the quality of your first sexual experience with a person you started dating is more important than the timing, even if waiting to have sex can make that first experience more enjoyable and more meaningful.


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Practical, effective dating tips and relationship advice.
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